Many times, after having a long stressful day, I tend to blow up at the slightest provocation. Then later, I would utter to myself, " I shouldn't have done that or I shouldn't have said that" . Can you relate? I am pretty sure, some you have had a flash of temper at one point in your life and don't tell me you did not regret it ; other wise you are callous. But the thing is, our actions cannot be undone. Likewise, with hurtful words that we let out from our mouth when we are angry.
Last night, my internet connection acted out while I was having class. I turned my modem on and off then tried to do troubleshooting but could not quite cut it so finally I dialed the internet service provider hotline. I had waited for almost half an hour before the customer service picked up my call. While I was talking to the other person on the line, my husband used the notepad so I could not input the digits I was told to type. Agitated, I swept off his hands from the keyboard. My husband was so understanding so he left the room quietly and instead brought the electric fan in because he thought I was sweating profusely [ I have hyperhydrosis so I sweat a lot when under stress] . Because of the wind from the fan, my papers flew off and scattered all over the floor. This made me so annoyed.
" turn off the fan! !!!
I told him off at the top of my lungs.
But my husband desperately wanted to help me, he did not leave. In fact, he tried to give me a hand but I just could not keep up with the instructions of the CSR because he (my husband) was also giving me instructions. So finally, I reached my tipping point and I yelled ...
"ikaw na lang kaya makipag usap sa CSR!"
As if my husband could understand Tagalog. You know how it felt like when somebody shouted at you and you did not understand a single word? It sucks, right?
My husband stared at me blankly and like a little boy, he walked out of the room.
Of course, I felt bad for what I did. When I had calmed down , I talked to him and he told me how he felt whenever I shout at him. Because of my inclination to let my emotions control me, I did not realize that I have been letting my husband down. Like what Rica said in her blog wander&wonders, " words and actions are like seeds..."
Instead of letting our emotions control us, let our emotions draw us to the roots why we feel these emotions. Because of my heart-to-heart conversation with my husband last night, I realized that the reason why I easily get in fits of rage is because my hands are always full. Hardly, I ask help from him or anyone because I think I am super woman. I teach, I do household chores, cook, run errands, study , prepare lessons and so on.
Because of my own experience, I can totally relate to what Bro. Alvin said at the feast, " emotions are teachers."